Results, But at What Cost?

 

I spent 12+ years in the financial services industry managing teams, and people and serving clients as a CPA and CFP(TM) at a Big 4 accounting firm, an international law firm, and as the Chief Operating Officer of a private investment office.

 

The vast majority of my career was under the billable hour model, with weekly client hour goals, constant deadlines, constant client and employee calls and emails, constant connectivity, constant anxiety, and little sleep. To me, no boundaries meant I was reliable and dedicated.  I was single-mindedly focused and threw myself into my career and pushed everything else in my life to the side—my relationships, things I enjoyed doing, and commitments that weren't work-related, thinking that was the best, and oftentimes, the only way to be successful in my career.  When in actuality, beyond everything I had already neglected, it was limiting me professionally, as well.

 

My perfectionism and all-consuming approach to work was reinforced by the glowing reviews, ratings, and compensation I received, so I kept doing it.  After years of working that way, it became a deeply ingrained habit, and I didn’t know any other way.  I lived the “it’ll be better once I _____” (get through this deadline, get promoted, make more money, get this bonus) mentality, not knowing that mindset led to a cycle of disappointment; achieving the goal but the same problems still exist.  All while I wished the days away during the process.  I didn’t know how to work any other way, so my employers' work/life balance-friendly policies were moot.  Further, I hadn’t clarified what work/life mix I even wanted, much less how to achieve it.

 

My relationship with work made me ripe for burnout.  “Work,” to me, meant sacrifice, long hours, doing whatever it took, and relying mostly on myself, instead of leveraging others, when necessary.  The more it felt like work, the more productive I felt.  I put so much pressure on myself and applied those same unrealistic expectations to what I thought others expected of me, as well.   My fear of failure was draining and prevented me from taking opportunities where success was not guaranteed.  The internal blocks that I had—the limiting beliefs, interpretations, and assumptions, were draining and prevented me from accessing my full potential.  I just didn’t have the time or energy to show up as the person I knew I was and wanted to be.  Most importantly, they were holding me back from enjoyment. 

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Did everything have to be so stressful?  Did so many decisions have to be surrounded by worry?  Did success have to be dictated solely by the outcome or results?